Draw Near to God and He Will Draw Near to You

When you suffer a loss, you lose more than just what was lost. You lose a piece of yourself, of the life you once had. Things aren't the same as they once were and you struggle to find happiness and balance in your life. When our first foster placement was preparing to return to his family after a little over a year with us it hit me hard. As much as I was overjoyed that he would be reunited with his family, I had not prepared myself for the grief I would feel. In the time he was with us I got to see him heal and grow. I came to love him as if he were my own. So when it came time for him to leave, it felt as if a piece of my heart was leaving me. 

Along with the grief came anxiety. I started having severe panic attacks and it became crippling. I could not even pull it together enough to go to work. It felt like my whole life was caving in around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I ended up quitting my job as that is where my anxiety seemed its worst. Though the grief my husband and I decided to continue to foster children in need and our house is full again for the time being. This time around I am being more cautious with my emotions. 

These last few weeks have been tough for me. Although I am now at peace with everything that has happened and my house is full again, I am now in the rebuilding phase. Where my life has crumbled apart I want to bring a new beginning. At first that meant that I was searching for myself. What should I be doing with my life? What do I enjoy now that my previous joys are gone? How should I spend my days? What is my purpose?

After pondering for weeks to no avail, it finally came to me, and boy did I feel stupid. I did not need to find myself, I needed to find Jesus! Or more accurately I needed to find my relationship with Jesus. Through all of the stress and grief of the previous months, I had been neglecting my relationship with Christ and it had become lukewarm and one sided. God has seen me through the turmoil and I have offered up nothing in return but some half hearted prayers.

So I picked up my bible, Closed my eyes and prayed like I meant business. I asked for forgiveness and guidance and began to read and listen to what God was trying to tell me. I came to two passages that really spoke to me.



James 4 : 1-8

1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? 6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Romans 8:35-37

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or sword? 36 As it is written : “For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

These words remind me that I should not be seeking the things of this world to make me happy or give me self worth. Nothing will make me truly happy but the relationship I share with Christ and He wants for me to draw near to Him. He wants nothing more than my love and obedience but also, no matter how badly I mess up, and trust me I will , He will ALWAYS be there.

Comment below and share with me and other readers. I want this to be a community where we can come together, share our triumphs and tribulations and pray for each other in our walk with Christ.